This year is coming to a close and so is Mediavine On Air Season 1.
2022 is upon us, so how do we make the upcoming year for ourselves, regardless of what’s going on?
On Mediavine On Air Episode 35, we’re listening in to Siobhan Sudberry from the BeFree Project. Last year on Teal Talk she joined Senior Director of Marketing Jenny Guy in a conversation on creating a road map for finding fulfillment in life.
This episode is full of great lessons, including learning how to take a personal inventory, create a balanced life through friends who hold you accountable, positive affirmations, setting SMART goals and more. Don’t miss it!
- BeFree Project
- BeFree Project Podcast
- 107.3 The Wave’s Interview with Siobhan
- Join the BeFree Inner Circle!
- Don Miguel Ruiz – The Four Agreements
- Girl Be Free Affirmation Card Deck
- Free Your Mind Journal
[MUSIC PLAYING] JENNY GUY: Hello, friends, Happy 2021, question mark. It is the first episode of Teal Talk in a brand new year, which feels eerily like last year and wearing a dumb disguise to me. Is anyone else having that feeling?
I’m Jenny Guy, Director of Marketing for Mediavine, and the host of Teal Talk, the show about the business of content creation. I have the amazing opportunity to bring in experts from across the field and make them talk to me about ways to make content even better and more easily, plus earn more money while doing that, to boot. So what’s not to love?
And it has, as we said, been a month– about a month since our last episode. And in that time, we’ve had the holidays, and a new year, and more world insanity, and more cheese consumption than any of us wanted or needed. So I’m not sure where we all are, how you guys feel, but my new year fresh start needs a fresh start.
So like it’s like the vacation you need after you go to Disney. Anyone else experience that? So I’m calling for a do-over. And I would love for those who are with me to say, aye, in the comments, or say whatever you want in the comments. Just say hi to us.
And luckily, my guest today is the perfect person to help us hit the reset button on this year and get us headed in a healthy direction. Siobhan Sudberry, welcome to Teal Talk for the first time. I’m going to read some really impressive things about you before we get down to business, if that’s OK.
SIOBHAN SUDBERRY: Thank you so much for that. I mean, this is amazing. So thank you.
JENNY GUY: We’re so excited to have you here. Siobhan Sudberry is a Community Cultivator Founder of the BeFree Project and host of the BeFree podcast. She teaches women how to get unstuck, gain clarity, and cultivate the life they desire on their terms.
She’s passionate about empowering women and encouraging them to show up for themselves and take action in their life. She hosts in-person and virtual events called the BeFree Meetup, and has an exclusive online community called the BeFree Inner Circle where women find their forever friends and get accountability doing their personal growth work. Welcome to Teal Talk.
SIOBHAN SUDBERRY: Thank you. Thank you. Hello, everyone. I’m so, so, so excited to be here and to have this conversation at the top of the year. So thank you for having me.
JENNY GUY: We are so excited, and I am calling this a do-over. I wanted to ask our audience before I ask you our first question. Do you guys do New Year’s resolutions, anyone out there?
And if so, how long have they lasted for you this year? And do you– could you use a little bit of a do-over for you? That’s the first question for you. And I’m going to talk to Siobhan.
So tell us more about your journey and the BeFree Project. I think it’s one of the coolest things I’ve ever heard is that your job is to inspire people for a living, which is amazing. So please tell us how that all came about.
SIOBHAN SUDBERRY: Yeah. So I was in corporate America several years ago, and I was very unhappy, unfulfilled in the work that I was doing. But I wasn’t ready to take the leap, per se, and to do the work that I’m doing today. But I got laid off October of 2013.
And I remember the day that I got the news that we were getting laid off. I was registering my son at the time for kindergarten, and the director called me on my off day, because he didn’t want me to come back in and find out the news. And he said, effective October of 2013, everyone will be permanently laid off and the site would be closing.
And I remember that moment like it was yesterday. I was sitting in my car, and I had just got through processing the emotions of registering my baby boy for kindergarten, and then here I am losing my job at the same time. And I remember tears start to well up in my eyes because I didn’t know what I was going to do next. And in that moment, I remember hearing God say very clearly like, this is your opportunity to take a chance on yourself.
Now, at the time I had no clue what that meant at all. I just knew that I was going to listen. And I did. And I said, OK, I’m going to figure out what steps I need to take, because what I knew that was true for me is that I was very– I wanted to do work that was fulfilling.
I wanted to do work that I can aspire not only myself but other people. And so I took a six week boot camp course on how to become a life coach, if you will. And I launched my company February of 2014, and I’ve been working full time for myself ever since.
And so initially, it was just to blog and to inspire others. But in doing that work, it turned into a coaching practice, me hosting events. I launched a podcast.
I created this membership site, the BeFree Inner Circle, products, I’m speaking on stages. And all of this happened because I decided to choose myself.
JENNY GUY: And that’s so incredible, and something I think that we’ve talked about before on the show. Actually, we had a couple of guests from Google. But we talked about seeing those setbacks as a redirect, or as potential, as opposed to just– because they are soul crushing– they sure are– and how you can pivot from those.
And your story is incredibly– as Sarah just said, amazing story. And she said she does resolutions and, yes, she could use a boost. I have resolved to learn touch typing. She said, about time after blogging for 10 plus years. That’s interesting.
And speaking of resolutions, I wanted to talk more about this. If you have resolutions, you don’t make resolutions, you do make resolutions and you’re watching, tell us in the comments. But for Siobhan, a new year I would say, especially one following what happened in 2020, is a prime time for reflection and goal setting.
And that super intimidating word, which is resolutions, I think it can be a double-edged sword. So some people, and myself included, have felt like this has led to a vicious cycle of those abandoned resolutions, goals, whatever. Kind of– February and March could be a graveyard of all of the plans that we had for a new year.
So could you talk to us about a healthy, sustainable way to set ourselves up for success? First of all, do you do resolutions, or what is your alternative to that?
SIOBHAN SUDBERRY: No, I definitely do not do resolutions. I haven’t done resolutions in years. And there’s studies out there that show like when people make New Year’s resolutions, before the month is even over, they’ve already quit and give up on themselves.
And so then it becomes this repeated cycle of never completing anything. And then they end up feeling like they’re not good enough. They’re frustrated. Why can’t I keep these resolutions? So I don’t set resolutions at all.
However, I am a dreamer. I do set goals. But as far as like resolutions per se, no. And so how do you create healthy, sustainable ways to kind of set yourself up to win?
Number one is, in my opinion, forgive yourself for the mistakes that you’ve made, for the goals that you didn’t accomplish, for the resolutions that you didn’t get done. Because oftentimes, women specifically will hold onto those failures and they will stay stuck in that same spot. And so the first thing I would say is forgive yourself. You did what you knew at the time, in that moment, but don’t hold on to the things that you didn’t get done.
The second thing I would say is to take inventory of your life, right, and release the things that are not working. And that could be bad habits, that could be beliefs, that could be people, things, a lot of things that you may need to release so that way you can set yourself up to succeed.
And then what’s very important to me, and you talked about it in my bio, like I believe it is very important that you surround yourself with positive like-minded people. Because in the times when you don’t feel like completing the resolution, or the goal, like you need to be around people who are motivated so in the moments when you don’t feel like, or you can’t hold yourself up, you have people around you that can do that for you.
And then be honest with yourself, right? So I think sometimes people make these big, lofty goals. But in reality, they’re making them way too big. And we, as women, put too many things on our list.
We were just talking about this in the BeFree Inner Circle how women will make these to-do lists with 20, 30 things on it and don’t cross anything off the list. And then they’re setting themselves up for failure. And so I always tell people to start off with three things.
What are three things you want to get done? And that can be for personal, for business. But three things that you can focus on this year and let that be enough. If you get more than that, that’s great. But at least you’re doing three things that mean something to you.
So those are the first things that I would say as it relates to setting yourself up to succeed this year is just really being clear about what you want, forgiving yourself for the past, taking inventory, and then being around the right people is really important.
JENNY GUY: So I have– those are all amazing tips, and I would love to have them written down on something but– and that was one of my questions. I have a couple of followups for you. One, in terms of taking that inventory, how do you recommend doing that?
Do you think it’s a– is it like a journaling situation? Is it a– how do you– do you find the physical writing? Because some people say that’s a big part of it for them. How do you recommend taking that inventory?
SIOBHAN SUDBERRY: Well, that’s a great question. So I am– I don’t know if journaler is a word, but I journal a lot. I journal a lot, like every single day. And I’m always in this reflection mode.
So even for the month of December, I took the whole month of December off to really think through 2020. What were some wins, what were some things that didn’t go right, how did I grow as a person? And I’m really honest with myself and writing down my truth.
And then once I can get clear about like– for me, once I can get clear on that, and I’m journaling now, I have some really great amazing friends in my life where I can say, OK, this is what I’ve been thinking through. And I can process with them. Because I work really well with processing out loud with friends. But it’s after I do my journaling first.
And then again, I think oftentimes what I see in my audience is that people are not honest with themselves. And so when it comes to taking inventory, they’re holding on to people, they’re holding on to things that no longer serve them, but they’re afraid to let those things go. So when I say take inventory, like really be honest with yourself and honest with where you are currently, but then also who you are going to become, and who you want to become in your life.
JENNY GUY: So very helpful. I can see that going both ways– not being honest with yourself about the things that are holding you back, but also as you said, especially as women, not being honest with yourself about the times when you did kick ass and do a really great job. Because I think that both of those can be equally destructive.
One, that you’re not able to see where you actually did do a good job. And two, where you’re not able to see what’s holding you back. So how do we see that in ourselves? Can you help us with that?
SIOBHAN SUDBERRY: Yeah. I read a lot. I read a lot of books for sure. And I think– I honestly feel like if you’re writing this out– so there’s– so I have a journal called the Free Your Mind Journal. And I created the journal because people would ask me questions all the time, like how did you get started? How are you able to change the direction of your life? How did you get unstuck?
And so there’s specific prompts that I had to ask myself in order to begin to transition and transform my life, if you will. So one of the questions that’s most important that I highly recommend every single person watching this live or catching a replay, is to ask yourself specifically what do you want for your life? Not looking at what society has said, not looking at what your family or your friends or your peers are doing, but really honestly write down what it is that you want for your life.
And even if it’s unconventional, even if it doesn’t make sense right now, but getting crystal clear on what it is that you want. And for me, I knew that I wanted to work for myself. I wanted to live out my purpose, which is to be a light and to empower others to be free.
I knew I wanted to live a legacy for my children. And I knew I wanted to use the gifts that God has given me to make an impact on the world. So once I got crystal clear on that, then things began to unfold.
But you’ve got to allow time for everything– for you to get more clarity. It’s not like an overnight thing. It takes time to have the revelation of what it is that you want for your life. But I think that that is the most important question. And again, I’m going to keep saying this, to be honest with whatever comes up for you.
JENNY GUY: Love all of that and very, very helpful. What I want to do is you mentioned a journal in there. And you have a special offer for our viewers today that we’ll share now and we’ll share again at the end.
SIOBHAN SUDBERRY: So everyone, here’s a copy of it. So this is my Free Your Mind Journal, and it is a self-reflection journal with 40 different prompts. And it really helps you dig deep on getting clarity, taking action, shifting your mindset, and then empowering yourself.
And then there’s also coloring pages, additional writing exercises, and then affirmations inside. And so everyone watching live or catching the replay, you have 24 hours where you’ll save 10%, and then it’ll be shipped right away. So the code is 2021. That’s the code, 2021.
JENNY GUY: We are reclaiming this year back for growth and health and all that. OK. We’ve got some great comments. So, LaShawn, who has been a previous guest on–
SIOBHAN SUDBERRY: Hey!
JENNY GUY: –Teal Talk.
SIOBHAN SUDBERRY: I know her.
JENNY GUY: She says, “I love Siobhan Sudberry’s affirmation cards.” Crystal Sledge said, “The affirmation cards, Free Your Mind Journal, and Inner Circle Community are all amazing.” You’re getting some fantastic feedback on loving your website and calling it beautiful. So you’re getting so much love. I love the love.
I want to circle back at some point to talk about finding that group of friends that is so empowering. And I want to talk about that later. But right now, I want to talk about– because you’re saying that it is so important to get clear on what it is that you want.
What if you don’t know what you want? And when you find yourself sitting there, you’re staring at a blank page, you’ve got– you go out and you buy the incredible journal, and you have the affirmation cards, and you have all of the wonderful things. You’re freeing your mind, but you sit there and it’s a blank page. Where do we go from there? How do you get past that?
And I think that also one of the things that we can get stuck in is more. More is what I want. I always want more. I want more money, more success, more friends, more whatever. How do we get beyond just more and really define that what it is that we want?
SIOBHAN SUDBERRY: Yeah. So I will say for me, once I started asking myself the very specific questions, right, it’s like, OK, well, what do you want for your life, or who do you need to forgive, and just all the things that I kept asking myself. The most important thing that you have to do is that once you start to allow these words to flow out and allow your truth to come out on paper, then there has to be action behind it.
So many people are not doing anything, right? And so they’re repeating the same year over and over and over again. But you have to take action. You have to do something with that.
So for example, when it came to, OK, I know I want to leave this legacy for my children. I know I want to use my gifts. OK. What does that look like?
And so I was like, oh, well, I’m good at connecting people. I’m really good at my positive energy, like I can light up any room that I walk into. My energy is very contagious. I know that I am a powerful speaker.
So I started to list all the things I knew that I was good at. But before I could do those things, or create BeFree Project, if you will, I had healing work to do. And so I have [INAUDIBLE], and I talk about that a lot on my podcast and my community that’s been following me for a while already know. I had to do some healing work first before I can walk into this purpose-driven work.
And the more that I began to heal, the more things began to unfold. And so for example, if there’s someone in your life that you need to forgive, but yet you’re asking for your purpose, or you want to do all these things, well, there’s going to be some blockage there, right? So doing the mindset work, working on your limiting beliefs, a lot of women– and I know this from my community specifically, like they feel like they’re not good enough.
So, yeah, you said you want to start a blog, or you want to start a podcast, but then you start with the imposter syndrome. Am I good enough? Can I really do this? So you have to overcome those thoughts with affirmations.
I love how several of the women in the community have my affirmation cards, because you got to begin to reprogram your mind. And that is an actionable step, when you start doing that, right? And then again, and we can talk about this, like having the right people around you so that way you’re not just writing these things out, but then you can discuss them with people who will share your vision with you, who will share your dreams and who’s going to encourage you and inspire you along the way. So it’s really taking action on the things that you write down that comes up for you.
JENNY GUY: If you feel silly when you’re doing affirmations, even if you are feeling silly, is that something that is a normal reaction and just to push through it and keep doing it? Are you still doing good for yourself?
SIOBHAN SUDBERRY: Yeah. It’s actually– it can be silly in the very beginning, especially, if you’re so used to the negative thoughts that are flowing through your mind day in and day out. When you start to look– so let’s just say if you feel like you’re not good enough. And then I’m saying, hey, recite this affirmation. I am more than good enough and I get better every day.
In the beginning, you’re not going to feel that, because your mind has been conditioned for years and years and years that you’re not good enough. So when you’re starting to say this affirmation, it won’t feel like it’s right. It won’t feel like it’s true.
But the more you start reciting it over and over and over again, then it begins to– you’re basically taking that old thought and you’re replacing it with a new thought. So you’re replacing that subconscious thought with the conscious thought. And you have to repeat it over and over again.
So one of the things that I tell my community all the time, and this is what I do. I use my alarm on my phone. So every hour on my– I have an affirmation set to go off every single hour and it’s something different every time. So then that way, I’m feeding my mind positivity.
Over here on the right of me there’s like a window full of positive affirmations. I write affirmations down every day. So it’s not just like a one and done. It’s this constant, I guess, pep talk that I’m having with myself to affirm myself.
Because just like anyone else, like I have thoughts that come up, but because I’ve been doing this work for so long, now I know, oh, when you feel like you’re not good enough, or you feel like this, oh, you need to change that right away. But it takes time to reprogram your mind that way.
JENNY GUY: That is so helpful. Thank you for saying that. And it’s not something– I’m saying this for me, you guys. I’m not saying– I’m genuinely saying this.
It’s not something you can fail at or be bad at. You are going to do it. It’s going to feel weird at first. It’s going to feel unnatural. You have to push through the weird. You have to push through the discomfort and keep reiterating it.
Because you are, you’re retraining. So many of us have negative self-talk. I know I do where that’s my first instinct. No one’s going to want to listen to you, or nobody’s going to want to hear you, or you’ll probably fail at that, or that will be really hard.
And coming through that, it’s not something, like you said, that’s going to happen overnight. That’s really, really helpful. So you said that the first step is to be honest with ourselves and discover what it is that we really truly want in our lives.
Once you get past that step of it, how do you get more specific in terms of setting actual realistic goals, rather than, I want– so you went– you said you went from the step– first, you had to heal, then you went into the step of forgiveness, then into actually defining what it is that you wanted as a grand purpose. Do you have techniques or ways you can help our audience get more specific about right here, right now what I need to do?
SIOBHAN SUDBERRY: Absolutely. So I’m sure you probably heard of creating SMART goals. So you want to make sure your goal is specific, that it’s measurable, that it’s attainable, that it’s realistic, and is timely. And so for example, at the top of the year, people love to say, oh, I want to lose weight, right? And so they have this great goal. Oh, I want to lose 50 pounds.
OK. That’s great. But let’s bring that down, right? And so let’s say, let’s focus on a smaller weight loss goal for the month. And let’s start on a smaller weight loss goal for the week, right? And then you want to make sure that it’s specific to what makes sense for you and how are you going to measure that, what is the time frame.
And then I think what’s most important when it comes to goal setting and getting things done, you need accountability. You need it, like you need someone in your corner that’s going to hold you accountable to do what you say that you’re going to do. Because if you’re the only person that knows about, let’s just say this weight loss goal, and you quit by the end of the month, then it’s easier to stay in this stuck position versus if you have an accountability partner to say, hey, I thought you said you were working on losing weight this year and living a more healthy lifestyle.
If you have that person checking in on you, you’re less likely to quit on yourself. So I think no matter what the goal is that you’re working on, that you need accountability, like you need at least one person in your corner that they’re also doing their personal growth work. So then that way, you guys can kind of feed off of each other’s energy.
JENNY GUY: Fantastic. Very helpful in terms of accountability. And I want to hear you reiterate one more time about SMART goals. That might be totally familiar to some people, but not totally to others. So if you would share that, that would be great.
SIOBHAN SUDBERRY: Absolutely. So a SMART goal– so just the acronym– specific is for the S, measurable for the M, attainable for the A, realistic for the R, and T for timely. And literally, you can– and I have several things I’ve done within the inner circle– my BeFree Inner Circle where you write down, OK, how is this goal specific? How is it attainable? Like you literally go letter by letter and– to make sure that your goal fits in that.
And then once you can identify and make it crystal clear, now you have something to work with. And I will take that same practice and I will use it for everything that I’m doing in my life until it becomes a routine or ritual for you. And if you just Google SMART goal, like you totally find a lots of information about it.
JENNY GUY: And it can– and that is incredibly helpful to make it specific and measurable. I think we can– even working in marketing or sometimes in content creation, our goals can be so intangible. But how do you know– like that’s a great thing to start, but how do you know that you’re actually doing it if you don’t have something tangible, measurable, all those things? You’re not– I mean, you can get discouraged. And that’s the thing we want to avoid.
OK. I want to circle back to a topic that I said we were going to come back to. I haven’t yet. Finding those accountability people in your life, how do you do it?
SIOBHAN SUDBERRY: Yeah. I think, first and foremost, you have to be a great friend to yourself, right? And I am all about energy. And so the energy that you put out is what you will attract. And so I talk about this a lot on my platform, when I went through a friendship breakup last year, or a year and a half ago, I will say now, and that friendship kind of crushed me. And what I had to do was get crystal clear about what I needed in my friends going forward. And accountability was something that was on that list.
And so what I did was I took time and I wrote down everything that I wanted and needed in my friendships going forward. And I made sure that I was going to consciously choose every single person that I wanted in my life. And then also, I wanted to make sure that I was putting out the same type of energy that I wanted to attract.
And that list helped me so much, because now, every single woman that’s in my circle, they feel like home to me. It’s very refreshing. Like you know how on a hot day you’re drinking a cold glass of water and just how good it feels in that– on that hot summer day? That is what my friendships feel like.
And it’s because I’ve done a lot of inner work. I released some people and things and beliefs that just no longer were working for me. And so now with the group that I have, these amazing women, not only are they holding me accountable to what I say that I’m going to do. But I get to do the same thing for them.
And then also, we’re celebrating each other’s wins as if it’s our own. So when someone gets a speaking engagement, when they’re booking their deal, or whatever the thing is, it’s like, oh, if you won, I won, and let’s cheer each other on. And we just really good at holding each other accountable. And you need it.
Like I don’t feel like any person should be doing this personal growth journey alone. You need at least one person in your corner that’s going to support you. It’s hard to do the work, in general. But it’s very hard to be doing it alone.
JENNY GUY: And it’s hard to be objective about yourself and to– so many times you can think you’re putting something out, or you can think you’re being clear, or you can think a lot of things. But until you have somebody that can hold that mirror up to you and say, hang on, this is what I’m seeing you do. Is this what you’re trying to do?
Yeah. That’s– OK. So the idea of writing out what you want from your friendships is pretty mind-blowing to me. And I think that that is a great exercise to attracting what you want. But how do you find the people, especially now when we can’t go anywhere?
SIOBHAN SUDBERRY: That’s a great question. That is a really great question. I think first, nurturing the friendships that you have and taking inventory to see, OK, where each friend I have in my life, are they someone that I want to grow with, right? And be really honest, because sometimes we do outgrow relationships and friendships, and you have to be really honest with yourself about that.
And then as it relates to where do you find friends? I mean, several ladies I met at a conference that I attended last year and it just– we just naturally clicked that way. But social media is amazing.
I’ve met some really great friends on the internet where we ended up exchanging phone numbers and now we’re texting, or we’re FaceTiming, things like that. If you’re in Facebook groups, or you’re on Instagram– I know Clubhouse is a thing now. So there’s so many ways that you can meet and connect with people.
And I know it may feel awkward, but I treat building friendships as if I’m dating, right? Like if I really want to be friends with you, you’re going to know it. Like I’m going to be sending you text messages. I’m going to send you book recommendations, things like that.
Like I’m really intentional about my friendships, because it’s something that I value a lot. So that is what I will say as it relates to finding friends. Using the community that you already have, using social media. And then when we can go outside again, going to places that you enjoy and just so happen to see someone that you like, oh, I’ve seen her at this coffee shop several times. Let me spark up a conversation.
And I know it feels awkward and weird initially, but if you are really someone that’s passionate about having the right friends in your life, then you have to step out of your comfort zone. And I have a whole community that’s all around finding your forever friends, because having the right people in my life has been a game changer in my success.
JENNY GUY: That’s so helpful. Having a community is a big, big deal. And you’re right, it is a game changer, and feeling seen, heard, valued, and accountable.
Ben Heath just said– I love Ben. Ben, you’ve just said, they need a match.com for friends. Ben, you’re not wrong– not wrong.
OK. You said two things in there that I wanted to save. Do you ever do words of the year? Some people really do words of the year.
SIOBHAN SUDBERRY: Yes.
JENNY GUY: You do? OK. I want everyone out there, if you’ve got a word of the year and you’re comfortable, you want to drop it out, drop it out. I want to hear Siobhan. So what is your word of the year?
SIOBHAN SUDBERRY: Oh, that’s a great question. So my word for 2021 is generous, or generosity, either way, however you want to say it. And it came to me because as I was telling you before we got started, I was in Tulum, Mexico, last month.
And my great friend and I were having a conversation. And we were just talking about giving. And when she said the word, just being more generous, I was like– I just felt something in my spirit.
And so every day I go for a walk, and I was walking, thinking through like, oh, what’s my word going to be for 2021? And generosity came up. And I’m like, that is it. So that’s my word for the year.
And not just being more generous with giving like financially, but also giving my time, my talent, my gifts to other people, and just giving more love. And then I also set a theme for my year. And which this year, I’m working all around like my money mindset.
So my word– or my theme for this year is abundance and prosperity. So those are the three words that I have going on for 2021.
JENNY GUY: I love that. I was actually listening to you describe– talk about generosity. And as you were saying it, I was thinking abundance, and having an attitude abundance. So I love hearing both of those connected.
We’re getting lots of awesome words. Samara said, “My word is intentional.” Kirsten said, “My word is lagom.” I don’t– I’m not familiar with that so I’m going to have to Google that.
Crystal says, “Surrender.” Cyd says, “Potential.” Johnetta says, “Bold.” Sierra says, “Be.” So these were all really great words. Loving all of these.
SIOBHAN SUDBERRY: And a lot of these women are in my community. So I’m so glad that they’re here showing them.
JENNY GUY: Thank you so much for coming. She’s a– thank you for sharing her with us. She’s amazing and we’re glad that you have her on loan.
The other thing that you mentioned that I was really interested in revisiting was, you said you– when you are dating your friends, or potential friends, you mentioned you recommend some books. I would love some book recommendations on this topic, if you could share those.
SIOBHAN SUDBERRY: Absolutely. So a couple of books– I read Big Friendship. And I’m looking this way because it’s literally right over here. And I can’t pronounce her name correctly. I think it’s Aminatou Sow.
Well, the name of the book is Big Friendship. Just Google it, you’ll find it. But they have– they’re two best friends, and they have a podcast called, Call Your Girlfriends. And what I loved about the book is that they talked about like the– how they formed a friendship really quickly, and it was just so useful.
But then they also had some tension that came up. And they actually went to couples therapy for their friendship, which blew my mind. I had never heard of that before. And so that is an excellent book to read on friendship.
Another book that you can read is called Frientimacy by Shasta Nelson. And it talks about having the intimacy in your friendship. And she does a really great job at covering all aspects of having a friendship that’s positive, where there’s consistency, and there’s vulnerability.
And I actually interviewed her on my podcast. And so I will be releasing that episode later this month. So those are two books specifically on friendship that I highly recommend everybody read– Big Friendship and Frientimacy.
JENNY GUY: And Fantastic Friendships, we’re showing the link in there. And the other one that I wanted to ask about is just in terms of goal setting, or in terms of stepping into the future, or the life that you’re interested in. Do you have any specific recommendations for those that you would share?
SIOBHAN SUDBERRY: As it relates to goal setting, I will say the book that I recommend that everybody read every time I’m asked this question is The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. And The Four Agreements are very simple. It’s always do your best, be impeccable with your word, don’t make assumptions, and don’t take things personal.
Now, I know they are basic, but it’s a challenge sometimes to put those into play all the time. And so that is the number one personal growth book that I recommend that everybody reads, because it’s literally a game changer. And it’s a small little book and it’s something that you will reread over and over and over again. So that’s the one that I recommend everyone take a look at.
JENNY GUY: Say it one more time.
SIOBHAN SUDBERRY: The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.
JENNY GUY: Let’s please share that, because that sounds like something all of us could use big time.
SIOBHAN SUDBERRY: It’s amazing. It’s amazing.
JENNY GUY: OK. So now that we know what we’re doing, we’re setting realistic goals, we’re doing the work. We’re journaling, we’re doing all the things. Something happens and we get stuck.
And roadblocks can come in many different forms and they can last hours, they can last days, they can last years. But they can last so long that they no longer feel like roadblocks. I don’t know if anyone else– but they just feel like the reality. They just are what it is.
I don’t even– I can’t even identify this as something that’s causing problems in my life. I just think that that’s the way that my life is meant to be. How do you define being stuck? And then how do you get unstuck?
SIOBHAN SUDBERRY: So the way that I see stuck, I’ll give an example. I was stuck for a very long time. Actually, I was stuck for 17 years and I didn’t even know that I was stuck.
And I was stuck in my personal life. I was stuck in my career. And it just was a feeling of emptiness. It was a feeling of void. It was a feeling like I know my life should look better than this, but it doesn’t.
I thought once I got the car, the house, the kids, the marriage, all of the stuff that society says that would make me happy, I had everything. And I was not fulfilled at all. And it was just this emptiness and this feeling of loss, confusion, disappointment, like what the heck is this? Because I didn’t sign up for this.
And even when my children were small, I remember thinking like, there is more to my life than being a wife and a mother. I want more. And at the time, I had no idea what that was.
And so that is what stuck felt like to me. Like there was just this emptiness that just– I could not satisfy with the tangible things that were supposed to make me happy. And again, I go back to I started doing a lot of inner work to figure out, OK, well, what makes me happy?
Because oftentimes, people don’t even know. And they’re going through this rhythm of life, this cycle, this rat race of doing the same thing over and over again. But if I look you in your eyes and I ask you what makes you happy, you can’t list off things that bring you joy, which is really sad.
And so for me, how I got unstuck is, again, going back to the Free Your Mind Journal and answering very specific questions. And then being honest with myself that I was stuck, right? That this was a place that I did not want to be in, and it was up to me to get out of it.
And what I started to realize, I think I was watching Oprah, or something one day, and I’m like, you know what? You’re responsible for your life. Nobody is coming to save you. No one is coming to give you all the answers. You have to get up on your own two feet and figure this out.
And so it was starting with me going to therapy to heal from my mother wounds. Then as I healed from my mother wounds, I started thinking about, OK, well, what is it you want, and really mapping all of that out. And then also thinking, OK, if this is what stuck feels like, what is the opposite of this?
And you want freedom. I wanted freedom in every single area of my life. And I’ve been willing to sacrifice a lot to get to this place of freedom. And it wasn’t until yes– excuse me– last year I did a whole podcast episode on this called, My Awakening, Part 2.
And last year is when I really started dismantling everything that didn’t align with what I wanted in my heart. And it wasn’t easy. I had to have some very hard conversations. I had to shift some beliefs that were no longer right for me.
I had to walk away from some relationships that just didn’t fit. But I was willing to do that because I refuse– I refuse to be stuck. And freedom is everything to me. And oftentimes, people don’t realize how much being stuck is actually costing them.
It’s costing you your happiness. And so in order to get unstuck– and we can talk about my roadmap because I tell you step-by-step on what I’ve done to really get to this space of fulfillment and freedom. But that is how I would define stuck, and that is what it looks like for me getting unstuck. And I hope that makes sense.
JENNY GUY: Yeah, it made sense, and made me want to change my whole life. That’s so– I love that it’s not just stuck, it’s what’s the opposite of stuck. And then I want that.
That’s amazing. And freedom is such a huge, huge– so is now a good time to talk about the roadmap, would that be a good time? I would love to hear about it.
SIOBHAN SUDBERRY: Yeah. So I called it My Six Step Roadmap to Being Free, and it’s literally my exact process on how I do everything in my life. And so I took time to write this out, and it’s a free resource that everybody can download. And so the very first step is to have awareness, right?
So looking at your life as a whole, what is causing the disappointment? What is causing the frustration? What is that feeling– first of all, identifying your feelings and allowing yourself to feel all of them, right?
And aware that something is not right with my life. Something is not in alignment with what I truly believe that I deserve, and that I’m worthy of having. That’s step number one is to have that awareness.
Step number two is clarity. So at this point, you start asking yourself very specific questions. OK, if I feel stuck, why do I feel stuck? Am I stuck in my marriage? Am I stuck in my job? Am I stuck– whatever, like what is– start asking very specific questions on what has come to your awareness.
Number three is mindset. And so this is really huge because we have 50,000 to 70,000 thoughts per day. And just think about the negative thoughts that are rolling through your mind over and over and over again. And so often, women– and I’m just– because my audience is women so let me generalize this.
People feel like, OK, I’m not good enough, or I’m not smart enough, or I can never do X, Y, and Z. So as long as you have that limiting belief rolling through your mind, you can stay stuck in that particular space. And so when it comes to mindset, start to identify, OK, well, what are my limiting beliefs? How am I conditioned? What have I been holding onto that’s a lie that’s not actually my truth?
The next thing is you want to start– now that you have the awareness, right, you’ve been asking yourself specific questions. You identified your limiting beliefs under mindset. The fourth thing is you start to get your resources.
So you get the books, you surround yourself with the right people. You listen to the podcast. You come to Facebook Lives like this, right? Resources that’s going to pour into you so that way you can begin to do the work.
Number five is action. Because now that you went through these steps, it’s time to take action. And the action is just taking one little step every single day. You don’t have to do everything. But if you can take one step every single day to change your life, you will start to see your life transformed.
So maybe that one step is if you’re holding onto a negative belief, or a limiting belief, you just say affirmations every day. And that is a step that you do until you’re ready to take the next step. And then number six is that you repeat. So you repeat this cycle over and over and over again.
And I do this no matter– now I do it without thinking. It’s just literally second nature. It’s my process. But for those just getting started on their personal growth journey, or maybe you just need another resource, I highly recommend that you download it and then put it to work.
JENNY GUY: I think that’s so inspiring and so true, and that this is not a journey with an end point. This is an endless cycle that we’re doing. And it’s also not something– I think so often we’re looking for an easy button or a set it and forget it thing, and it’s not.
You– but you have gotten to a place you said where you’ve done this so much that it has become ingrained, that that thought process and asking yourself these questions becomes ingrained. So while it’s manual at first, it can start to become automatic after a lot of conditioning is what you’re saying, I think?
SIOBHAN SUDBERRY: A lot of unconditioning. And it takes time. So I’ve been on this personal growth journey eight or nine years at this point, right? And so there’s still so much that I’m learning. There’s still so much that’s unfolding and how I’m becoming the most authentic version of myself. So it’s not an overnight process.
And to your point, Jenny, there’s no destination. Like this– your life– like you’re always going to be growing. You’re always going to be learning something new. And I think that that would free a lot of people if they feel– if they know that you’re always going to be learning more about yourself, and you’re always going to be growing. So don’t look at, oh, once I get here– no, there’s always room for growth.
JENNY GUY: Yes. And it’s inspiring, I think, also because there’s not a fail. If you’re still breathing, there’s not a fail. You’ve still got time to make– it’s not too late.
There’s time– you are– the time is now to take a small step, as opposed to– I think the other thing that can really happen, at least for me is, you set these huge life-changing goals, and then doesn’t happen immediately and you’re, well, never mind. So I don’t know, there’s a lot of pitfalls.
I wanted to ask our audience if there was one habit that you want to break or make in this new year in 2021. Is there anything out there that you’re thinking about, you’ve had on your mind? And then for Siobhan I wanted to ask a specific one. Could be personal, maybe not. Procrastination– how do you fight procrastination?
SIOBHAN SUDBERRY: That’s a great question. Number one, I don’t think you can fight it. I think that we all procrastinate at some point, right? And going back to what I’ve talked about a lot throughout this live is that you have to be honest with yourself like, right? So why are you procrastinating?
What are you avoiding? Why are you on Facebook? Why are you on Instagram? What are you trying to avoid that you really should be doing?
The next thing is, I don’t want people to label themselves as a procrastinator, because words are extremely powerful. So the more that you tell yourself that you are a procrastinator, you’ve already fed your mind that. So every time you get ready to work on something, oh, I’m a procrastinator. Oh, I’m not going to do this. And you can find everything else to do but that one thing.
And so what I think is that making lists is really important, writing down not only, for example, whatever your goal is, and then what are the actionable steps that you need to do to get that job done, or get that goal done, if you will. And then putting those steps inside your phone, inside your calendar, writing them in your planner, like really setting yourself up to win to avoid procrastination, if you will.
And then again, having someone hold you accountable. So one of my friends every day she’ll send me like the things that she wants to get done. And what– and I’ll say, OK, I’ll text you at this particular time to see if you have everything complete.
The same thing inside the BeFree Inner Circle, one of the things– every single day I put out a post, what’s one thing you’re going to get done by 6:00 today? They will say whatever it is that they’re going to work on, and I say, OK, check back in and let us know that you got it done. And if they don’t, then trust and believe, I’m in, I’m like, hey, I thought you said you were going to get this done. Have you got it done, right?
So that helps them avoid procrastination, that helps them get very specific with what they want to get done for the day. But I saw this– and I’m going to read this to you. I saw this quote on Instagram, I think, yesterday. And it says, “the cost of procrastination is a life you could have lived.” “The cost of procrastination is the life you could have lived.”
So I want every single person watching this live– today is what, January 14? If you continue to procrastinate on the things that are important to you, on the things that you say that you want, January 14, 2022 will look exactly like January 14, 2021, if you continue to repeat the same habits over and over again. So again, finding accountability, writing things down, and really saying, I want my life to change so bad that I’m willing to do whatever it takes.
And that everything that it takes could be one step every single day. That’s it.
JENNY GUY: And say it one more time, Siobhan, please.
SIOBHAN SUDBERRY: The quote or–
JENNY GUY: Please say the quote one more time. Yeah, the quote.
SIOBHAN SUDBERRY: The quote is, “the cost of procrastination is the life you could have lived.” That’s powerful.
JENNY GUY: Yeah. I definitely did a woo. That was a gut punch. Got a quote– actually, Kirsten just shared a quote, and she said, “procrastination is just fear in the form of breaks. And fear is not the boss of you.”
SIOBHAN SUDBERRY: That’s right.
JENNY GUY: Very true. Sierra said one thing she wants to break in this year is her negative self-talk. I think that’s a huge thing to break.
SIOBHAN SUDBERRY: Absolutely. And we’re working on that within the BeFree Inner Circle. She is a member– hey, Sierra– of the BeFree Inner Circle. So that’s something that we’re working on.
I actually have guest speakers come in and talk about different things, and I have someone coming in next month to specifically talk about limiting beliefs. Because we all have them, right? And then sometimes it’s harder to get over certain things versus based on where you’re at at this point.
And so it takes time to really shift your thoughts. And so I love that I have a community where I can bring in guest speakers to talk on these specific topics. So not only do they hear my voice, but they can hear other experts in the space, just like what you’re doing today.
JENNY GUY: Would you– it’s really helpful– perspective is everything, and everyone has a different one. Would you talk about a limiting belief? Would you define that for us and give us a couple of examples just to make sure?
SIOBHAN SUDBERRY: Yes. You know what, as I’m reading this book called, Acts of Faith by Iyanla Vanzant, and me and a great friend, we’re actually reading it. It’s like a devotional, if you will. And one of the passages a few days ago talked about how limiting beliefs are nothing but lies.
So basically, they’re lies that people have told you that you decided to believe. And now that lie is keeping you stuck. I’ll give you a prime example.
I cannot remember specifically who it was in the community, but she wanted to start writing a blog, or something like that. But she didn’t think that she was a good enough writer, right? And so I said, OK, well, why do you feel that you’re not a great writer?
And I knew in my mind, I knew someone must have said something to her. And sure enough, when she was in college, a professor told her she was a poor writer. And she’s an adult now, right? But she’s still holding on to that limiting belief that she’s not a good writer.
So anything that she writes today as an adult, she’s not going to feel good about it because she’s carrying that lie that that professor said. And so I– excuse me– I recommend that every limiting belief that you have, think about who told it to you? Was it your mother, was it your father, was it a professor, a teacher? Who told you a lie?
And then ask yourself why are you choosing to believe it? Because that’s all a limiting belief is is a lie that someone has convinced you is your truth. But you have to unpack that. And I hope that makes sense.
JENNY GUY: It– no, it 100% makes sense. And so empowering to hear that you’re making a choice. Those limiting self-beliefs you are choosing every single day that that is the truth.
And looking back on– and I’ll tell you right now, I was lying in bed the other night thinking about something that somebody said to me 10 years ago. Does that make me crazy? Maybe, but I think we all do it.
SIOBHAN SUDBERRY: No, it doesn’t make you crazy at all.
JENNY GUY: But you think– and it was a negative thing, and it still is in there after 10 years. And so many relationships and great things and terrible things in the past 10 years, and that is still something that is sticking in there. So how do we get past that?
SIOBHAN SUDBERRY: Get my Girl BeFree Affirmation Cards. That is what you get, and you can drop them the link in there or whatever. Because what I would do is I would write down that limiting belief and then what is a positive affirmation that I can recite to begin to replace that belief. And then I guess even before I get there, I would write down who said it, how it made you feel, and let all of the stuff come up and start journaling about that.
And once you get all of that out of your mind, out of your heart and down on paper, then you write down an affirmation that you recite over and over again so that you can replace that limiting belief of whatever they told you into something positive. But again, to my point earlier, it takes time. But that is a lie.
And then we have to think about whenever someone is passing on something negative to us, they are broke– something in their life is broken, in my opinion. Somebody hurt them that they could take that same belief or thought and pass that over to you, if that makes sense, right? So we have to think about where people are, and then that was based on their conditioning in that moment.
But now, if you want to grow and evolve and be the best version of yourself, you cannot carry on that pain from what someone else passed over to you, right? So it’s time to kind of heal. And therapy, I– therapy has been the best investment that I’ve made in my life. And I love it. And I go all the time.
I have my therapist number in my phone, like whenever I need to talk to her, I can. But a lot of times we need to heal from whatever happened, and sometimes you need a professional to work through that with you.
JENNY GUY: OK. We have very little time, and that is depressing to me because I want to keep talking to you for the rest of the day. [INAUDIBLE] amazing and making feel good and feeling empowered. And that’s the best way to walk out of a conversation is feeling strong and empowered about things.
So I want to– in our remaining time, I want to talk about the best investments, literal investments, like if I have to pull out my credit card to buy this or download it. Or what are the best investments we can make for ourselves– right now for ourselves and our future goals, for our business, for our personal lives? What do we need to buy?
We’ve mentioned some books. You’ve got a special offer. I would love to hear about all of those things. So could you tell us the top investments we can make today?
SIOBHAN SUDBERRY: Well, join the BeFree Inner Circle. It is the community to find your forever friends and get accountability with doing the work. As I said, that’s at befreeinnercircle.com where you can learn more.
And the reason that I say that is because, again, I don’t want anyone to be doing this journey alone, and I do not want you to be saying January 14, 2022, you’re going to be working on this goal that you said you were going to do the previous year. That does not make any kind of sense to me. And we literally have resources at our fingertips where you need a community, you need support. And so that will be the first thing to invest in. Anything that I shared today, whether it’s the BeFree Inner Circle, the Free Your Mind Journal, my affirmation cards, anything like that.
The next thing is invest in your friendships. I mean, that has– like I said earlier, has been a game changer for me. And don’t just expect your friends to pour into you, but you invest into them.
So I have a group of friends every single morning, we send out text to each other. Great morning. And we speak like every single day, because I want them to know that I believe in their dreams and they’re doing the same for me.
I mentioned the book The Four Agreements. I highly recommend every single person read that. And then I think, also, download the Six Step Roadmap, the– my Six Step Roadmap to being free. Like download that right away so then that way you can start. So not only have a resource but put it into action. I need every single person to take action every single day, because otherwise, nothing is going to change for you.
JENNY GUY: And we have been sharing those resources, but we will share them again. The links are in there, the roadmap, opt in, all those things. You’ve also shared a coupon code, which is 2021, for the Free Your Mind Journal. It’s 10% off until tomorrow only in the US. We’ve got that.
All right. Last question, and I’m going to– I’m going to make a couple of announcements before we get to that question. I want to give you a second to think about it. But one of the things that we are real big on on Teal Talk are action items.
We want people to have those practical things that they can do. And as you just said, fits in perfect with what you said, you got to take action or you’re going to be exactly where you were on January 14, 2022. And we don’t want anyone to do that.
So you would share your three things we can do this week to set ourselves up for a strong 2021, that will be great. And guys, while Siobhan is thinking about that, I want to tell you about our next episode of Teal Talk. It is Thursday, January 28. It is at 3:00 PM Eastern time, 2:00 PM Central.
We will have Lizz Porter of the website More Than Thursdays and the Etsy shop Pew Pew Lasercraft, which is one of my favorite things to say ever, Pew Pew Lasercraft. We’re going to be talking about using product creation to expand your brand and your business, ways that you can double down on yourself, create a new income stream, a new revenue stream for yourself for 2021. But continue to expand and develop the brand that you already have with your website.
We are so excited about having Lizz there, and that’s in two weeks from today. Also, please subscribe to our YouTube channel, like our Facebook page, and bookmark Mediavine On-Air for all the latest and greatest. Don’t miss an episode of Teal Talk. We’ll be back in a couple weeks.
And then if you have missed any episodes, if you’re interested in any past ones, they’re all up on YouTube all the time. It’s free. All of our conference sessions from past conferences, the four times when we had conferences are there.
So there are all sorts of resources there on all those different channels. And we appreciate you subscribing, liking, following, and giving us your feedback on what it is that you need and want to see from us, because we’re here for you to help you build your businesses.
All right. Siobhan, give us those action items, please and thank you.
SIOBHAN SUDBERRY: I love it. I love it. So I actually have something called Three to be Free. And I mentioned two of the three things throughout this whole broadcast today. But these are three things that I do every single day.
Number one is I go for a walk. I move my body every single day no matter the temperature. Even today in Cleveland, it’s 35 degrees. it’s cold. But every single day I move my body and I go for a walk.
The second thing that I do every single day is I affirm myself. I’m always speaking positive affirmations over and over and over again to just boost my mood and just keep me in a positive head space. And then the third thing is that I take action.
And it could be something small. Like today it could be, oh, I meditated this morning, or I wrote in my journal, or I connected with a friend, or I drank water. It can be anything. But every single day I do something good for myself.
And so those are three things I feel like are practical, that are free, that every single person, if you are able to move your body, is something that you can apply right away.
JENNY GUY: Yes. For you to be free to be free, love that. Is that also on your website?
SIOBHAN SUDBERRY: It’s a worksheet, yes.
JENNY GUY: OK. Where can we find you? Will you just tell all the different places we can find you if we want to see more of you?
SIOBHAN SUDBERRY: Yes. So you can find me at befreeproject.com. That is where you’ll learn more about the BeFree Inner Circle. You can find my podcast, the BeFree Project Podcast, which you can find on any platform that you listen.
And then I hang out the most on Instagram. So you can find me at BeFree Project, or you can find me under Siobhan Sudberry, either or, is where I hang out the most.
JENNY GUY: You have been inspirational and wonderful. And as Sarah said, this was wonderful and inspiring. Thank you, be free. Thank you so much, everybody. Guys, we will see you next time. We’ll be back in two weeks with Lizz Porter.
Siobhan, thank you. Visit the BeFree Project for more from her. And follow us on all of our different channels that were posted in the comments. Thank you, guys, so much. Happy 2021 to you. See you soon.
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